Nov 23 2011

Responsibilities (cont’d)

Published by at 1:59 pm under Uncategorized

Trying to crawl away, she is jerked back by the attacker pulling her hair. He tries to drag her to a corner but with the force of the yank instead he pulls out a chunk of hair with some skin attached. It’s as if the streets became silent; no wind, birds chirping, cars passing by, nothing. An eerie scream was heard throughout the world. “Stupid bitch. Shut up!” the man murmurs. The violent force of the yank had her falling on the floor again with an open wound to the head. Once again the back of her head hits the pavement with a loud thud. Almost immediately a bump starts to form. She is dazed for a second. There’s a mixture of blood, sweat, snow on her hand after wiping her face. Breathing heavily she lies perfectly still.
Please God…please help me. I can’t die. I’m not gonna die. They need me. I’m all they have…
He grabs her by the hair, snatching her hair yet again but this time makes sure he has a good grip. Pulling her into the side of a building, the girl is holding on with both hands to his arms so the pain wouldn’t be as harsh. The attacker throws her down some small steps leading to a doorway of a basement. Not expecting this, she falls back first, rolling down the stairs doing a flip. She pulls out her arms to try and stop herself. CRACK…her index and middle finger on her left hand dislocate. She lets out a short yelp while getting into a fetal position on the bottom of the stairs where she has landed. “I said to shut the fuck up bitch.” A swift kick came right across her face. Leaving her body exposed, she brings up both her hands to her face. Repeatedly the man kicks and stomps her relentlessly with his boots to her entire body. Each kick worse than before. She makes an effort to protect herself as much as possible. She cries out “PLEASE…PLEASE STOP! I’M SORRY, I’M SO SORRY JUST STOP!” but to no avail. The man tramples her continuously. Never seeming to tire, kicking for what feels like eternity.
Seems like eternity does have to end someday as well. Taking a step back, the man admires what he did to the girl. She can barely move. Her damaged body consists of two cracked ribs, blown out right ear drum, internal bleeding, busted lip and bruises and cuts covering the rest of what remained. “Gonna walk away from me now, huh babe?” laughing maniacally he walks towards her, unzippering his jeans.
Just go to another place…lord, just take me somewhere else.
He puts his arms under her armpits to drag her through the doorway. She has no strength left in her. He places her on the floor across from the open door. The attacker pulls off her jeans down to her ankles and then reaches for her underwear. “Oh yea, you looking good alright.” She falls unconscious.

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One response so far

One Response to “Responsibilities (cont’d)”

  1.   jenny abeleson 29 Nov 2011 at 3:11 pm

    oh god, Margarita–what are you doing to me? This is very trenchant writing, carrying the reader along effortlessly through a crisp, well-described character whose thoughts and experiences proceed at a very satisfying pace. I *like* this girl and I *hate* what is happening to her, wch means you’ve got me right where you want me. I’m yours, and you can do whatever you want in this story, and I have no choice but to follow you *as long as* the reality of your creation (mainly the main character) isn’t compromised or undermined in some way. You can make any strange, unlikely thing happen at this point, just so long as it’s true to this character and this world.

    I can picture the snowy, deserted world the attack occurs in, but you might want to give us some more sensory details, along the lines of your vivid description of how difficult it is to walk through the accumulating snow. The cold, the bitterness, the difficulty–it’s as though this character’s psyche and internal world have been externalized. I’d say milk it a little more, just to see what happens.

    You’ve done some fantastic writing so far–I really want to see how this ends. Not too much pressure or anything, but don’t let me down!

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